Intercepts
A listening post monitoring public education and teachers’ unions.

This apparently goes back at least a couple of years, and is credited to The Daily Grind, although I can’t find the original on his site. Anyway, while I’m wrestling with catastrophic hard drive failure here at the EIA operations center, I thought you’d get a kick out of it. Happy weekend, everyone!

10. The Clarifying Questioner
You’ve all heard it. The principal has just finished a ten minute power point detailing the new attendance policy when this guy raises his hand to clarify a point that was made five times during the presentation. You want to slap him upside the head and tell him to pay attention–or just call him a freshman.

9. The Stuck in the Past
When Principal Jones was here, things were a lot better. Seriously, dude, I was five when Principal Jones was here; of course things were different. Better? Only because you are so old your short term memory has failed. You keep getting little glimpses into your past like flashbacks in movie. The dreamy nostalgia has got you high on 1982.

8. The 1-Minute until we Leave Questioner
There is nothing more thrilling than when the clock reads 2:59 at a staff meeting that ends at 3:00. Seriously, if you enjoy staff meetings, get yourself checked. You can’t be normal. We’ve just spent 7 hours trying to convince kids to listen to us, had a student tell us where to put the homework assignment, and nearly headed home until the “Staff, don’t forget the meeting at 2:15″ announcement blares us back to hell. Then, that one lady in the corner, as if she’s been planning this moment all day because she needs to feel important today, raises her hand with a question about some policy. The ensuing answer needs five minutes to explain. Meanwhile, you’ve started tapping your foot at an unhealthy pace and everyone in the room can feel the frigid stare you are giving. Let it go, lady; let it go.

7. The Collaborator
The Collaborator has many ideas–none of which she can do on her own. No. She needs your help. She’s knocking on your door during her prep period, or e-mailing the staff about a new idea. Where does she come up with all of these ideas? She goes to a lot of conferences, and she lets you know about every one. I learned this. I learned that. We need to do this. We need to do that. How come no one wants to be on board? Oh, I don’t know; maybe it is because you change ideas quicker than a my 9th graders change i-pod skins.

6. The Not Fitting In
Oooh. This one hurts. Nobody likes that awkward feeling one gets when a person tries just a little too hard to fit in. One part of you wants to laugh and point like when you were in high school, the other half wants to feel bad, but can’t. I mean, he’s 35 years old and still trying to fit in. There are two types of Not Fitting Inners. The first is just socially awkward with his peers. He joins conversations that he wasn’t a part of, and knows nothing about–nodding his head in agreement or disgust whenever it seems appropriate. He’s like Steve Urkel–somethings not right, but you just can’t cut him off. The second type is the teacher who needs to feel cool with her students. She tries to dress like them, or do her hair like them. Neither work. You are just waiting for the day that some kid mistakes her for an actual student and trips her in the hall, books sprawling, people pointing.

5. The Shusher
The title says it all. He wants to listen to another pointless movie clip about succeeding schools–even if it was made in 1993. You want to make fun of the actors, or real teachers who are just so awkward because they know their going to be in the movie. He keeps “shushing” you like that kid in junior high that nobody liked. You want to start throwing little pieces of paper at him just to see if he cries. There is no place in the world for the shusher except for when Dr. Evil shushes Scotty in Austin Powers. Shhh. I’ m sorry, no arguing. Shhhh. I don’t want to hear it. Shh.

4. The Union Thug
As soon as the clock hits 2:30, he’s gone. You won’t seem him until 7:00 a.m. If the principal has a new idea that might solve some problems, it has to be a violation of the contract. Nothing this person does is an action of his own. He is a follower at all cost. He is the reason why the outside world rags on teachers anytime we complain about pay. The building rep is on his speed dial, and there is no convincing him to budge an millimeter–it is the difference between being respected and taken advantage of.

3. The Complainer
“My fourth period class is the worst,” she says. You begin to respond with empathy because your sixth period class is hell, but she interrupts, “I don’t know. MY class….” And on it goes. All year, every time you get together. Hey, we all complain. But there is a right way and wrong way to do it. When you complain, you must understand that the person to whom you are complaining to, has a story too. You have to be funny when you complain, otherwise it is the same whining that our students do–and we make fun of in the faculty lounge. You are limited in time. You are not allowed to complain for more than 10 minutes a week. You may choose to complain once a week for 10 minutes–remember to be funny–or you may choose to go with some shorter session (venting). If you can’t be funny and concise, shut the hell up.

2a. The E-Mail Respond Aller.
Because these next two are just so damn annoying, I have to call them equal. When the school secretary e-mails with an all staff bulletin about the fire alarms being tested and there may be an inadvertant bell, please, for the sake of Bill Gates and all the other techno-nerds, don’t reply “The last one interrupted my lab and now my day is shot,” to the entire staff by simply hitting the “reply” button. You see, it goes out to everyone unless you hit “reply sender.” The truth is, we don’t care. WE all had our class interrupted, not just you. This is the epitomy of selfish narcissism–to think that your experience is so unique that you must share it with all.

2b. The Self-Pertaining Questioner
The Vice Principal finishes addressing a new reporting system for grades. A hand in the front goes up. You cringe because you know what’s coming: A Clarifying Questioner, A 1-Minute Till We Go Questioner, or the Self-Pertaining Questioner. The latter asks a question that is specific to his classroom, oblivious to the notion that no one else in the building would have the same question. As if this person hasn’t heard themself talk enough that day, here’s one more opportunity for them to show the VP that they are important. Look at me, daddy, look. I’m right here. No, daddy, right here. Come on, notice me. Please. Just e-mail your question later–no, on better thought, don’t–you’re probably also guilty of 2A.

1. The District Minion
So in love with the Central Office that she quotes it like the Rev. Billy Graham preaching from John 3:16 at the Astrodome. Like the Union Thug, she never thinks for herself, never questions for the purpose of improving. No, she just follows along with every educational fad presented at some meeting. She speaks a foreign language with words like: research based, formative, constructivist, scaffolding, and a bunch of other words. Meanwhile, while she’s off at any and every district offered training, you are actually teaching. And if you should question the latest fad, you can be sure she’s talking. Yep. She’s like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, waiting to scoop you up and drop you off at the Wicked Witch’s office. (I better be politically correct and include the Wicked Warlock’s office–otherwise I might get in trouble!)

I’m not completely sure what to make of this, so I’ll just present it to you and await further developments:

Hillsborough schools and teachers’ union join hands with Florida voucher advocates to train private school teachers

TAMPA — On a normal day, oil and water just don’t mix.

Public schools and teachers’ unions don’t say nice things about those who support school vouchers, sending kids to private schools with public money. Most of the time, such folks just don’t get along.

But Wednesday wasn’t a normal day.

In a move that experts are calling nearly unprecedented, the Hillsborough County schools and teachers’ union have joined forces with a nonprofit Florida voucher group to help train private school teachers.

The full story is in the St. Petersburg Times.

NEA affiliates in California and Wisconsin seem to have different attitudes about their state laws banning student data being used to evaluate teachers. The Obama administration has been insisting that those laws be eliminated or altered before the states can be eligible for Race to the Top funds.

California’s Inland Valley Daily Bulletin has this report:

Local teachers union officials said a plan to use test scores to evaluate teachers would require union approval – and likely wouldn’t get it.

“It’s something we have always resisted as a union,” said Jan Thornhill, president of Associated Chaffey Teachers, the union representing teachers in the Chaffey Joint Union High School District. “It’s not something that can be imposed on the teachers. It has to be bargained.”

Thornhill said allowing teachers to be evaluated using test scores would open the door to a merit pay system, which teachers unions also oppose.

“(Secretary of Education) Arne Duncan is behind merit pay,” Thornhill said. “I always hope for some infusion of cash for the district, but I feel like the federal government is trying to strongarm California. … I think that they’re making a power play.”

Compare that sentiment to that of Mary Bell, president of the Wisconsin Education Association Council:

Doyle spokesman Lee Sensenbrenner said the governor had spoken to Duncan and “will seek to remove any existing statutes that prevent teachers from being comprehensively evaluated — student performance on tests being just one part of an evaluation process.”

Mary Bell, president of the Wisconsin Education Association Council, the state’s largest teachers union, said the union also supported such a change if needed for the state to qualify for the money. But the union would oppose using a single test score to evaluate teachers, she said….

Lawmakers and the governor already wiped out the “qualified economic offer,” or QEO, which lets school districts impose a minimum wage-and-benefit increase of 3.8 percent if bargaining fails to produce an agreement.

That move, Doyle said, will spur the development of alternative pay programs.

“You’re finally going to begin to see some innovation in teacher compensation,” Doyle said.

WEAC’s Bell said the union is open to such changes as long as local bargaining units retained the right to negotiate teacher pay.

The Wall Street Journal tells us…

Widespread layoffs caused by tight school budgets are forcing thousands of teachers out of the classroom, in some cases, permanently. Many are taking other jobs or considering changing careers, even as they anxiously hope to be recalled.

When school begins this month, as many as 100,000 of last year’s teachers won’t have jobs, resulting in an overall drop in education jobs in the U.S., estimates Carmen Quesada, director of field operations for the National Education Association, the nation’s largest teachers’ union.

That’s a jolt to people drawn to teaching in part for its recession-proof reputation. The number of people working in local education has increased every year since 1983, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That streak is now in jeopardy: Local schools employed fewer people overall, including nonteachers, in July, the latest month available, than in July 2008. The majority of the layoffs have involved nontenure teaching positions, with cuts determined by seniority.

…while the Courier-Post (NJ) tells us…

The number of school jobs is growing, and those jobs come with consistent increases in salary.

Total salaries for administrators, teachers and professional staff members rose 3.9 percent to $9.6 billion last year, according to new state data. Meanwhile, educators’ head count rose to 143,733, up 1,283.

The increases come even as the number of private sector positions in New Jersey has been virtually frozen over 10 years and the state, along with the nation, remains mired in a recession.

Take your pick.

Click here to read:

1) 60,000 New Students and 20,000 New Teachers: Results from the Census Bureau School Finances Report
2) Under the Radar
3) Contract Hits
4) Last Week’s Intercepts
5) Quote of the Week

This afternoon’s communiqué breaks down the state-level data on the Census Bureau’s annual school finances report. The results concerning enrollment and hiring continue to astound, so you don’t want to miss that. While I spend the next few hours putting it together, here are a few items of entertainment:

* National Journal asks, “Should Students Be Paid to Learn?” My response is here.

* The .Edu Toolbox names Intercepts one of the Top 50 Online Education Blogs.

* Clear View Education names Intercepts one of the 100 Best Blogs for Teachers of the Future.

* Tear down this wall!

Sacramento Bee columnist Dan Walters has a good summary of the controversy regarding any link between student achievement data and teachers in California. The state law is clear. The Obama administration’s position is clear. And the California Teachers Association’s position is clear, as evidenced by this speech from CTA President David Sanchez this week:

“Paying and evaluating teachers based on a single test score does not improve student learning and does not help attract and retain quality teachers in lower-performing schools! And we will not stand for it.

Secretary Duncan is also a little confused about California’s law for tracking student and teacher data. You may have read something about this as Secretary Duncan has been threatening to prevent California from qualifying for some federal education grants. What Secretary Duncan doesn’t understand is that California law doesn’t prohibit linking student and teacher data. In fact, it already is linked at the local level.

California law also doesn’t prohibit the use of student assessments in evaluating teachers, but if and how that is done is bargained at the local level.

The CTA Board of Directors has already appointed a member and staff workgroup to guide our efforts throughout the reauthorization. CTA will also be making sure NEA holds strong and does what’s right around NCLB.”

The last sentence is intriguing. CTA may be concerned that a deal between NEA and the Obama administration at the national level might bend a little too much.

I still believe this will all be papered over, but I’ve underestimated Obama on education reform before. If he sticks to his guns in California, it’s going to get very interesting very quickly.